Sleepy Winds
by livvykitty
Summary: John's gained a new God Tier power! Le gasp! But... What does hypnotizing people have to do with the windy thing? We decide not to care because it's time to see John mess with some people. How badly can this get out of hand? Rated T for Karkitty.
1. New God Tier Power!

**A/N: I am venturing into Homestuck! (Cue thunder and lightning) I got this silly idea for a while, so… yeah.**

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Andrew Hussie. The new level on John's God Tier, however, belongs to me!**

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_**-} Be the insanely happy derp**_.

You are now grinning with a huge, derpy smile. Your name is John Egbert, and you've leveled up on your God Tier. (You don't remember how, but who cares!) You wait eagerly to reap the spoils. You feel a nice warmth blossom in your chest as a new power implants itself into your body.

_You can now hypnotize people!_

You look at the giant floating text above in confusion. What does hypnosis have to do with the windy thing? You blink and push the thought away. Well, now that you have hypnosis, you can… Well, what _can_ you do? You scratch your head, trying to figure it out. Hypnosis is that one thing where you can control people's minds, right? That'd be fun.

Oh, how you'd love to mess with everyone.

Then, you realize like the derp you are, that you can! But who to mess with first…?

_**-} Do the windy thing while plotting. **_

You float up into the air, absentmindedly making the wind blow breezes around your body. You watch the clouds swirl around you on your awesomely made wind. God, do you love doing the windy thing.

_**-} You're bored. Just try it out on Dave, already.**_

You snap your fingers at the revolutionary idea. If you can hypnotize Dave, you can hypnotize _anyone!_ Grinning derpishly once more, you fly away on the wind.

_**-} Be the awesomely cool kid. **_

You are now Sollux. You're just hacking into Karkat's computer-

_**-} Wrong awesomely cool kid! Be the awesomely cool HUMAN kid!**_

Your name is Dave. You're just chilling out in your room while making one of your awesomely ironic comics. Being a cool and calm guy, you ignore your initial panic at hearing the sound of shattering glass and turn around, kantana in hand.

Oh hey, it's just Egderp.

He probably crashed through your window while using his wind powers. You refuse to call it 'the Windy Thing' for you are far too cool for that silly crap. Well, now you have to go through the trouble of telling Jade that her brother broke one of her windows. You wonder why John used his wind powers instead of the transportalizer that leads from his room to anywhere on Jade's island.

You relaxed your grip on your kantana and put it back down. John grinned at you, eyes twinkling, and started to talk. "Hey, Dave, I leveled up! I wanna try out my new power on you."

You looked at him and calmly stated, "If it involves me getting hurt or losing my shades, no."

"No!" John said frantically, "I just want to hypnotize you!" Your mouth tried to twitch up into a smile, but you repressed it. Instead, you gave a little smirk.

"That's not real, Egderp." You said.

"Well, that's why I wanna try!" John smiled. You rolled your eyes at your buck toothed friend. He couldn't see it through your sunglasses.

"Sure, go ahead. But if it doesn't work, don't be surprised."

John brightened up at that. Then, he started to make breezes float about your room. You were slightly confused, but went with it.

_**-} Be the hypnotist.**_

You are now John again. You're making soft breezes around the room, trying to create a relaxing atmosphere. You're not sure how you know how to do this, but you brush it off as coming with the powers. You sit Dave back at his computer and he complies.

Then, something peculiar happened.

You turned your eyes to Dave, pushing the soft wind to caress his body. He seemed completely stuck to his seat and his body seemed to melt into the chair. His sunglasses started to slip from his nose, but he didn't push them back into place. His mouth opened slightly, head bobbing as if he was trying hard not fall asleep. You wondered if it was working,

_**-} Be the deeply relaxed one.**_

You are now… hell; you don't remember your name. It slipped from your thoughts as if carried by the wind. Wind… you were encased in wind. You felt tired suddenly. You couldn't think straight. Blue. You liked blue; it was nice to look at. You stared at the blue and felt better. How could you not notice how pretty his eyes were before? You tried to figure that out, but your head was too heavy. No more thinking.

You didn't want to think. You wanted to drift away, yet you fought it off so you could look into the blue a bit longer. You don't care that this is uncharacteristic of you; you feel safe just giving up yourself for a while. He reached out and took your sunglasses. You allowed it to happen. He wouldn't judge you for your eyes. You know that for some reason.

He closed your eyelids and you couldn't fight. You gave into the darkness.

_**-} Be the triumphant boy. **_

You are John again and you suddenly wonder why you keep rapidly switching view points. You shake off the thought and grin. You did it! You hypnotized Dave! You wonder what to do with him. You hadn't thought that you'd come this far.

But then again, what if he was just faking? Was he faking the steady calm of his breathing? Was he faking how his head fell back, his body completely limp? You had to test this. You had to make Dave do something very un-Dave like.

"Dave, can you hear me?" You asked cautiously.

"Yes…" He said through a small relaxed sigh.

"Dave," You had an idea, "I need you to kiss me." You didn't expect what happened. He slowly came towards you, lips puckered. You turned your mouth away in the nick of time, causing his lips to softly press against your cheek. You couldn't accept a kiss from him. You liked someone else.

You watched in awe as Dave sat back down, settling into his chair. Holy shit. It _worked_. You grinned devilishly. You had a completely _lovely_ idea.

"Dave, when you wake up from trance, I want you to…" You whispered the instructions giddily into his ear, watching as he absorbed it all. You were finished, "Wake up!"

_**-} Be the freaked out kitty cat.**_

You are NOT a fucking kitty cat, gogdammit! You are an _extremely_ responsible troll! And your name is Karkat, dammit! You stared at a completely dazed and giggly Terezi. Shit. You knew that she'd go off the deep end someday.

_**-} An hour earlier... Be past Terezi.**_

You are now Terezi. You wonder why Dave is standing in your room and without his sunglasses. Although you couldn't see, you smelled Dave's scent as well as tasted the sweet air that wafted around him. Yep, it's Dave alright.

"S'up Terezi." Dave said coolly. You felt his eyes on you. Interestingly enough, his eyes smelled like strawberries. Were they red, perhaps?

"Are we going to work on the comics together?" You heard a sudden shrill note and rolled your eyes. It was probably Nepeta chasing another bird. That's when things started getting weird.

You smelled strawberry on Dave's cheeks. Were his cheeks turning red? That's certainly peculiar. Dave doesn't blush.

"O-only if you want to…" You could feel him turn his head away. Why was there a sudden 180 degree change? He was acting so shy! As an up and coming prosecutor, it was your job to get to the bottom of this.

"What do you want to draw?" You asked. Maybe it would shed some light on his weird mood. He mumbled something that you couldn't catch. "What was that?"

"Nothing!" You could smell the strawberry rolling off of him as well as the cream of widened eyes. It was quite a pleasant scent, to be honest. What caused his blush? Only one way to find out…

You could practically hear his blood pusher working at a furious pace. You licked his cheek quickly. It was a sugary and creamy taste, one that was encased in strawberry. You were startled. It was a blush of one that was _flushed_.

Suddenly, he kissed your cheek.

Another bird call sounded, but you didn't notice. You didn't notice as he blinked owlishly before putting his shades back on. You didn't notice him angrily muttering about John as he walked to the transportalizer.

That was the first time anyone had _kissed you_.

_**-} In the present, be the candy bar.**_

Your name is _KARKAT_, not _KITKAT_. You are pissed that the authoress bitch won't stop making your name into a pun. You must push your annoyance to the side for now. Terezi was really _freaking you out_. She giggled and- Holy flying fuck, was she _blushing teal?!_ What exactly _happened?_

"Terezi! I order you to stop being freaky right this instant!" You barked at her. She just looked at you and grinned stupidly.

"Sorry, Karkles~" Terezi sang, looking away and looking into space. You raised an eyebrow as she traced her cheek.

"What the fuck happened?" Her face was completely teal at this point. She just smiled and whispered.

"He kissed my cheek…" Terezi muttered. "Will he be back soon, I wonder?" She sighed.

You completely understood. This was in one of your romcoms. She's completely flushed. But who was "he"?

"Ah~ Dave…" Terezi whispered.

So _that's_ who. You found it comical. Cool kid Dave bashfully kissed bold Terezi's cheek and reduced her to a smoldering puddle of gooey red. Hell, you should make this a movie. It'd be a fucking hit. Maybe John would like it-

NO!

You mentally slap yourself. Do not think of him! Don't, under any circumstances, think of him! And definitely don't think about watching your movie with him and causing a sweet, heartfelt confession where you agree to be his matesprit!

Gog, you hate past you so much now.

_**-}**_ _**Be the one with blackmail. **_

You are now the boy with the camera in hand, A.K.A., John. You caught the entire thing on tape. It was actually really sweet! But now Dave will kill you. Hm… You wonder what would happen if he was so quiet and shy around others. Only one way to find out. Using your windy thing, you float above Dave and make the whistle. His anger seems to melt away and he tilts his head, as if forgetting something.

He takes off his signature sunglasses, hooks them onto the front of his shirt, and walks towards his room. Probably off to do something. You left a camera implanted in his shades, so you had time to kill. Who else? Damn… You couldn't think of one… Vriska seemed like a good choice, what with her being… Vriska.

But what if she used he mind control powers on him to fall asleep or something?

You never know with her, but it's worth a try. You used your awesome windy thing to fly throw her open window. She twirled around with wide eyes, surprised at your entrance. Then, she smiled.

"Are you trying to impersonate Pupa Pan or something, Joooooooohn?" You rolled your eyes. You counted exactly eight O's in your name, "Not that I would mind, of course!"

"Naw, I just want to try a new power I got on the God Tier!" You grinned.

"Go ahead! Show me!" Vriska said sweetly.

"You may need to sit down," You said. Vriska shook her head. So, you used the windy thing to lift her gently from the floor until she was suspended in the air on her back. She gave a small yelp of surprise which she disguised with a cough. You floated into the air above her so that she could have a clear view of your eyes. You looked at her and smiled. Her eyes widened in realization as she tried to make her power work, but it was too late. Her body was already becoming immobilized.

"You… You… tricked me…" Vriska somehow forced her voice to work.

"I didn't trick you. This is my power." You said calmly, "We're just floating in the air and talking. Everything's fine."

Vriska seemed to want to believe you but she spoke, "You're… taking control… Everything… isn't… fine… Stop looking at me…" You reached a hand out and rubbed her horns. She kept resisting.

"Vriska, it's okay. Everything is fine. You're safe with me."

Her defenses were falling. She looked at you, "Everything… fi… ne…?"

"Yeah, Vriska."

"No… can't sleep… resi…st…" Vriska's eyes were starting to flutter shut. She didn't seem to be able to make her voice work, so you pressed a finger against her still moving lips until they finally stopped. "You win…"

She was in trance.

Well, you kinda felt bad. Damn, her mind control _did_ do something. You sighed and gave her the instructions.

"Vriska, when you awake from trance, you will feel so tired that you'll just fall asleep. You'll wake up feeling happier and more refreshed than you had ever been and apologize to everyone you hurt and hug them." You smiled at your handiwork. You hoped that she remembered it all. "Wake up!" Vriska blinked awake and took in her surroundings. You set her gently on the bed that had taken the place of her cocoon thing and she curled up, asleep in seconds.

You grinned. Yay~

Now you knew who was next. Your heart beat a bit faster when you thought of it and you smiled like the huge derp that you are. You were going to have fun with this one.

_**-} Be John's next victim.**_

Your name is KARKAT. Now, what's this about being a victim? You wonder about this for all of five seconds before going back to more important tasks. Namely, cursing out your fuckass of a past you.

Then _he_ had to show up in all his windy, derpy, and adorable glory.

"What do you want, fuckass?" You sneered at him.

"Karkat, we need to talk," John said worriedly. You felt a pang. Was he worried about someone else?

"No, we don't." You tried to turn back to the computer, but some force kept your eyes glued to the human. He approached you and held out his arms.

"Are you sure? Aren't you a bit stressed?" John was worried about you… You suppressed the mutant colored blush that tried to rise to your cheeks. You were about to open your mouth and berate him, but instead, you nodded.

"It must be hard, being in charge," John said soothingly, starting to encircle his arms around you. When had he invaded your personal space? You couldn't find the heart to push him away. He cradled you to his chest and you couldn't help but hear the pulse of his heart. He was right. It was hard being in charge.

"Yeah… they all want to kill each other and… can't have that…" Your train of thought kept getting interrupted.

"Wouldn't it be nice to give up control for a while?" John asked, running a hand through your hair. Gog, what was he doing to you? You nodded and locked eyes.

"… Your eyes are… pretty…" You said, unable to think much else. His cheeks became a light red, contrasting with the glowing blue of his eyes. It was really cute.

"Thanks, Karkat." You loved hearing that. The way he said your name was… You don't know. It was hard to think. Then again, you've thought all this time. Let this be someone else's problem for once. John was there to protect you from the world. You drifted away, feeling nothing but John, John…

_**-} Be the blushing and cute derp.**_

Karkat looked like he was asleep in your arms. You were holding him. His body fit so snugly together with yours, and he did something you had never seen before. It brought so much joy to your heart to know that you caused this.

He was smiling.

The others hadn't smiled while under hypnosis. The others had put up some form of resistance, yet Karkat just accepted it. He had accepted _you_ into his mind and awarded you his trust. You felt really happy. You could float away on your joy right now!

Now, it was time to start.

What was it that Nepeta called Karkat? Karkitty? Well then, a Karkitty they would get. "Karkat, when I snap my fingers, you will come back to this trance deeper than before, all right?" Karkat nodded against his chest. "When you wake up, you'll be a cat. Wake up~"

_**-} Be Karkitty. **_

_You cannot be Karkat at the moment because he is too busy being an adorable kitten. Nice try, smartass._

_**-} Be John again.**_

You are now back to being John. Karkat blinked open his eyes and tilted his head at you. Is it you, or did his eyes just get ridiculously big?

"Meow?" Karkat meowed questionably, looking at you. Oh my God…. It was _so cute_… You scratched him behind the ears, smiling as he leaned into your hand and purred. Then, he caught sight of the long blue ribbon of your hood. He was out of your hold in an instant, instead glaring at the piece of cloth. He flattened himself to the ground, horns sticking from his hair like actual cat ears.

He pounced on your string. Karkat batted at it and mewed cutely. You smiled and pulled it slightly out of his reach.

"Here Karkat!" You cooed.

"Mew~" He climbed on you and nudged your cheek with his nose, sending one last glare at the elusive string. You blushed as he curled into you and purred loudly.

_**-} Be the slightly confused Nepeta.**_

Your name is Nepeta and you just got the strange feeling that one of your OTP's was happening and that one of the matesprits was acting like a cat. Oh well, you shrugged. It was time to update your shipping chart!

_**-} Be the happy derp. **_

Karkat was so cute as a kitty. That was what you thought. You already know your name and feel no need to repeat it. You felt completely at peace. Now you decide to do something else with little Karkat.

"Sleep," You snap your fingers. His body relaxes to a limp point and his breathing evens out. He closes his eyes. You decide to see how he remembers things during trance. You look at Karkat, "Do you know who I am?"

"… Yes…" He slurs sleepily.

"Who am I?" You ask.

"You're my future matesprit… John…" Good. He remembers your- wait.

Wait.

He just said that you were his future matesprit. What does that even mean?

"What's a matesprit, Karkat?" You ask curiously. He shakes his head as he blushes a light red. He's opening his eyes, breaking free.

"N… No…" Karkat mumbles. You panic slightly.

"It's okay. Everything is fine. Just forget about the question and know that everything's fine…" You rock Karkat back and forth as his eyes slide shut.

"Safe…" Karkat whispers.

"Yes, you're safe. I'll always protect you," You say.

"Scared… best friend… kills without… I… calm him… Don't want to die… Don't want to cause anyone to die… My fault… Can't… protect…" Karkat is clinging tightly to your shirt. Your eyes are wide. Is he describing his time on the meteor? He never talks about it.

"Shoosh…" You whisper into his ear, papping him on his back softly, "You were a great leader… You protected them just fine…" His grip is relaxing. Is it possible to have nightmares in trance? You panic at this thought. "You're not on the meteor anymore… You're safe now… You'll be safe forever…" You promise it to yourself. You will always protect him.

"John…" Karkat whispers. He's smiling again. You've had your share of fun for now. You decide to wake him up.

"Wake up," You snap your fingers and whistle.

_**-} Be the shy one.**_

You are now suddenly Dave. Well, Dave in hypnotized post-suggestion. You're reaching for the frosting to put on and- there! It's finished!

You smile and look back at your handiwork. You had baked this especially for Terezi, hence why it was red velvet with red frosting. You carefully cut a piece and place it on a small plate before making your way towards her room. Your heart's thudding loudly in your chest and you hope that she can't tell.

"Terezi?" You ask softly, blushing. Cheeks, stop going red!

"Yes?" Terezi opens the door and smiles widely. She's got teal on her cheeks and she looks at you. "Dave!"

"Uh, I, just, I-I, um…" You squeeze your eyes shut, "Imadethisforyou…" She sniffs the air and gasps.

"Is that cake?" You nod before taking a fork and taking a small bit.

"Open up," She opens her mouth, black lips parted, and showing adorable and gleaming fangs. You start feeding her, hearing small sounds of satisfaction from the troll.

"It tastes like red! I like red!" Terezi says excitedly.

"Does it taste good?" You ask nervously. Why can't you keep the quiver from your voice?

"Yes! Thank you so much!" Terezi wraps her arms around your shoulders. You feel your face grow completely red. You relax and kiss her nose because you can't seem to make your voice work. She becomes completely teal and lets go, grinning from ear to ear. You let go and start bringing the plate back to the sink.

"Oof!" You accidentally bump into Rose.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dave." Rose says.

"N-No, it's fine, really!" You say quickly, "I should have watched where I was going, sorry!" You quickly go on your way, trying to ignore the weird look Rose gives you.

"What…?" Rose muttered.

Then you hear a whistle.

You slow down and blink. What the hell just happened? It's far too bright. You put your sunglasses on once more and… Why are you holding a plate of cake crumbs? Your eye twitches. John. God fucking dammit. You quickly place your plate that somehow appeared on the table.

"EGBERT!"

_**-} Be Beep Beep Meow. **_

FUCK YOU, you are fucking KARKAT. KARKAT. AUTHORESS NEEDS TO STOP MAKING FUN OF YOUR NAME.

But you really don't care because _holy shit John is holding you._ It feels nice but… But… How did this happen? How? Your face is turning into its mutant color. Your grey skin was turning fifty shades of red.

He pulled away. Did you detect disappointment in his pretty-STUPID eyes?

"So, Karkat," John starts, "Are you-" A calm, yet somehow angry, voice interrupts.

"EGBERT!"

Dave marches in, starting to get close to John. What does Strider have any business doing here? His face is impassive, but his body posture and his clenched fists give it all away.

"Hey Dave! What's up?" John smiles, showing those –NOT- adorable buck teeth.

"Don't you 'what's up' me, Egbert! I want to know what the hell you did to me!" Dave's voice is calm, but the tone portrays quiet yelling.

"I didn't do much," John says.

"Why did I black out then? When I woke up, I was kissing Terezi on the cheek!" Dave seethes. Now this love story just got a whole lot more interesting.

"Look Strider, I know that you have red feelings for Terezi, but blaming it on John to gain his black emotions is going too far!" You say.

"_I don't have time for your bullshit, fuckass._" Dave tells you bluntly, turning back to John. That little piece of shit! Before you can open your mouth again, John steps in.

"Hey, leave him out of it! He didn't do anything! Besides, maybe he's right!" John tells the cool kid. You start to blush. _He was protecting you_.

N-Not that you needed protection! You didn't find it sweet that he was trying to shield you! You found it INFURIATING that he thought you were helpless! Yes, that's it!

You fail to convince yourself of this fact.

"Look, _John,_" Dave says hotly, "I suggest that you _reverse_ whatever the hell you did to me!" John just gave a whistle in response. Dave seemed to relax before he took off his sunglasses, looking at the both of you quizzically.

"U-Um, why am I here? Oh! Am I-I interrupting s-something?" Dave stammers. Wait, what?

"I thought that you were making something?" John asked innocently. Dave's eyes widened as he became bright red from embarrassment.

"I totally forgot! I h-have to go, bye!" He scrambles away. You just blink. What the hell just happened?

"I wonder what happened." John says innocently.

"I have no fucking clue." You say. You hear someone approach the room when John panics slightly.

"Sleep!" He snaps his fingers. Then, the world drifts away. Your eyes shut as this delicious feeling envelops you. You are placed in someone's arms. John is holding you. You just melt, cuddling into him.

It seems that he's talking to someone. That someone is crying hysterically. You identify it as Vriska. Why was she crying? You don't let yourself dwell on it. It was much better to focus on John. His voice was soothing and soon the crying ceased. He was telling Vriska to forget about apologizing. You wonder why? Oh well.

Vriska is gone now. You are sleepily walking now. Did John tell you to? You love John. You'd do anything for him, especially when you were feeling this nice. You would be matesprits in the future. He told you that when you woke up, you'd kiss who you loved. That's okay. That's easy to remember.

You were back. You are still Karkat, but what happened in the last few minutes? You are about to angrily ask John when something stops you. An urge. You take in John's wide blue eyes and slender frame. Is he getting closer? Your focus suddenly shifts to his quivering lips, slightly open, as if it were an invitation…

The next thing you knew, you were kissing him.

_**-} Be the shocked hypnotist.**_

Oh my God. _Oh my God._ You momentarily forget your name because _Karkat is kissing you._ You had only given him the command to kiss who he loved.

He loved you.

_He loves you._

You push against his lips and smile. You're dazed, but you don't care. He pulls away, all wide eyes and red covering grey. He gapes, opening and closing his mouth a few times.

"You… kissed me back." Karkat stares at you, dumbfounded. You smile and pull him into your arms. You nuzzle your cheek against his hair.

"Yep…" Your cheeks flush red.

"Are we matesprits now…?" Karkat asked you hesitantly.

"If that's what your race calls a boyfriend, then yes." You smile before kissing him once again.

You can't help but feel as if you're forgetting something…

_**-} Be a narrator.**_

Unbeknownst to John, he had indeed forgotten about the new shy and timid Dave. He fussed around the kitchen, putting away ingredients and cleaning. He tripped, eyes widening as he dropped some flour.

"Fiddlesticks! I have to get this all cleaned up now…"

_**The End?**_

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_**This may be continued, if you want.**_


	2. Authoress, Stop Interfering!

**A/n: Wow… I didn't think that people would like my silly idea so much. Oh well! New chapter! **

**NOTE OF ALL NOTES: I would love it if someone could try to do a comic of this? Does anyone wish to attempt to draw this story out or knows someone who can?**

**Disclaimer: I claim not these characters of whimsy. I only claim the God Tier power created of the blood of the sleeping giants whom sleep on the forgotten valleys of the silken moths of imagination… (Utter bullshit I made up in ten seconds)**

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_**- - - } Be the authoress.**_

_Unfortunately, you cannot be the authoress for she refuses to allow this! In this story, she has supreme power! Why would she give it to _you_ like it was candy?_

_**- - - } BE THE AUTHORESS BE THE AUTHORESS BE THE AUTHORESS. **_

_No! The authoress still absconds to your ridiculous thought!_

_**- - - } BE THE MOTHERFUCKIN' AUTHOR-**_

_Do you want me to stop this story right here? Well? Do you?! Cause I swear to Gog, I will! _

_**- - - } Reader: Be silent.**_

_Good. That's what I thought. Now listen to the narration until it's your turn. Got that?_

Now that I, the Narrator, got my cue, I can continue the story and steer it away from the Authoress's silly and unimportant self-insert. I doubt that you need a recap, but just in case you absolutely hate reading first chapters because they are soulless bastards, here is my abridged version:

John got a new God Tier power, hypnotized Dave to be shy and love Terezi and got the girl- I mean Karkat (although both would look dead sexy in a miniskirt). Terezi became a giggling derp and Rose was mildly scarred for life. There was another victim of John's but no one cares about her. Her name was Spider Bitch or something like that. Anyway, that brings us to the now, with Dave elbow deep in bubbles with an glittery apron littered playfully with pink hearts tied around his waist.

Seriously, that apron looked like it was designed by a two year old. Or Terezi. Most likely Terezi, considering the amount of red ribbon sewn into it.

Anyway, little girly aprons aside, Kanaya chose that moment to walk into the kitchen. She started to speak, "Dave, have you seen Ro… se." She took in the sight before her. Dear Gog, had her lusus come back to life? Could she never go into sunlight again? Had her blood inexplicitly turned into a regular green color?

Here was the arrogant cool kid, wearing a degradingly feminine apron that _did not_ go well with his blue jeans and neon yellow skull t-shirt, doing _dishes._

That was enough for her to be more than a little freaked out.

"Uh, hi Kanaya," Dave was saying this in a _timid_ tone of voice. _TIMID._

"Have you seen Rose?" Kanaya asked. As much as she wanted to run away, Dave would probably have the best idea of where his ecto-sister had gone.

"Um, yeah. I saw her go towards her room." Kanaya nodded and quickly walked out, refusing to lose her cool over this. The jade blooded troll stepped into Rose's room. There Rose sat, a small psychology book in her lap and her face set with concentration. Thank Gog, she wasn't drunk.

"Rose? I have some troubling news," You said- Wait! When did you become Kanaya? _You can't be her properly without the announcement!_

_**- - - } Be the freaked out fashionista.**_

_There we go_.

You are now Kanaya and you needed to share Dave's peculiar behavior with Rose. So, you try to keep your voice level and calm (even though it breaks at some points, displaying your shock for all to hear).

"Rose, Dave is in the kitchen, wearing an glittering apron with pink hearts and red ribbons over a neon yellow shirt," You shuddered at this, "and is doing dishes."

Rose looked at you blankly, "Dave is doing… dishes."

"That is correct."

"While wearing an apron with pink hearts and red ribbon."

"Yes, that is exactly what I just got through telling you."

Rose sighed, "Either he's being manipulated or he's finally gone off the deep end. I knew that obsession with being cool was unhealthy…" She closed her book before looking at you. "Kanaya,"

"Yes?"

"I'm scarred for life. I'm going to go forget about it now. If Dave doesn't snap out of it, tell me," Rose said before walking to _that cabinet._ You cringed. When Rose tried to "forget" something, it usually involved a lot of her human soporics. She'd do something completely idiotic and have you yelling at her, making her cry and making you feel like a big nooksniffer.

If Dave was being manipulated, you needed to find the person responsible. Rose won't be of any help; she'll be intoxicated. Before she took a sip of a particularly strong soporic, you asked her, "If Dave was being manipulated, who would do it?"

She looked at you, slightly annoyed, "Most likely someone with well meaning or silly intentions. A prankster, maybe," Rose took a long drag from her bottle. "But then again, maybe it's someone with both? Prankster or well meaning, does this guy have bad intentions?! I'll kill him for trying to hurt my ectobiologimically mase brother!" There was the effect…

You sighed.

Now, someone who was prankster… You realized who it was instantly. John. If he was manipulating Dave, then it was a joke. Okay, case closed.

You took another look as Rose just drank more and more. You then remembered from somewhere that humans can die from excess drinking. This addiction needed to be rectified or you would lose your… You mean, Rose would die. Her friends would be sad if she were to pass on. And you would die as well.

Maybe John could get rid of it?

If John could get Dave to clean while wearing a clashing outfit, he may be able to help Rose. Now, all you had to do was find him…

_**- - - } Be the WINDY BOY.**_

You are now John Egbert, and you must be the happiest guy in the world. Here was Karkat, lying against your side, blushing and muttering curses at you. In addition, you had the power to control others- No, not _control_, just _give suggestions_ that they just happen to follow because you made them relax. Anyway, nothing could ruin this moment.

You then curse your luck as a certain jade blooded troll walked in and ruined the moment.

Karkat quickly moves away from you, further ruining it. Kanaya doesn't seem to notice that Karkat was there. Instead, she went towards you and asked, "What did you do to Dave?" Panic shot through you. You were about to open your mouth to say Karkat's trigger word so that you could just put Kanaya under, when she interrupted, biting her lip, "Whatever you did, could you do it to Rose?"

You stared and your mind blanked for a moment.

**Does not compute.**

**Does not compute.**

**Egbert processing mode engaged.**

**Processing… **

**Processing…**

**Processing… **

**Processing completed.**

Kanaya wanted you to hypnotize Rose. You looked at her, "Why?" She looked down at her feet with a miserable expression, sighing. She looked up at you and mumbled something. You gave her a confused look and she spoke up.

"Rose keeps drinking. I'm afraid that it may kill her."

That made sense. You thanked Kanaya and patted her shoulder sympathetically. Karkat followed you out in the hall, pestering you, "So Dave's weird behavior _was _you! What did you do?"

"I did the same thing that I will do to Rose," You said vaguely. Karkat rolled his eyes.

"Fuckass, I want to know what you'll do," Karkat demanded.

"You want to know?" You questioned, "Do you _really_ want to know?"

"Yes, I want to fucking know!" Karkat said, starting to become aggravated.

"I hypnotized him," You said honestly. He stared at you with a blank stare before holding one hand over his mouth and the other over his stomach.

"Pfft…" Karkat tried to muffle himself but failed as he burst out laughing. While you were momentarily caught off guard (because he was laughing and _dear god, it sounded cute_), he was able to calm himself down somewhat. "Okay fuckass, now tell me the truth."

"But it's true! I did hypnotize him!" You exclaimed. Karkat didn't believe you? That hurt you. Just a bit. Okay, it didn't really hurt you, because if you were in Karkat's shoes, you wouldn't have believed it either.

"Well then, hypnotize some people for me," Karkat snorted, "Humor me."

You huffed at him and smiled, "Fine! I'll show you!" You grabbed his hand, causing the most adorable blush to cover his cheeks, before half dragging, half walking him down the hallway.

_**- - - } Be the drunk girl.**_

Your name is Rose and you are not _dronk_! The world is just doing weird things! You swayed slightly as you fell over the floor. Curse that floor! You always knew that it was out to get you! You rolled over on your back and realized that you couldn't get up.

"Ah! Someone, I need…" Huh. What were you going to say? You blinked before drinking your little bottle of rainbows. You stared up at the ceiling in a _totally dronk_ stupor as you forgot how you got on the floor.

Wait! Kanaka had said something about Dave! And glitter! God, you wish that you had some glitter. You could make it rain glitter and sparkles all around your room. That'd be awesome.

Oh God, your legs can _move!_ When could they do that?!

You got up and held up your arms in front of you. Where were your hands? Oh wait; there they were, attached to your arms. Why are hands attached to arms anyway? The little boring voice in the back of your head says that it's just simple human anatomy and is facepalming. You ignore it. That voice is so annoying and dull.

That's when Dave walked in.

He looked at you, eyes widened with the 'deer-caught-in-the-swimming-pool' look and you smile. You walk up to him, nearly tripping over the floor a few times. Ha! Floor, you cannot win this round!

_Oh God, you're so drunk, it's hurting the authoress just writing it. Switch it up, already! _

_**- - - } Be the cool kid.**_

_What does Sollux have to do with this story?_

_**- - - } Be the cool HUMAN kid, for God's sake.**_

_Dirk isn't in here either._

_**- - - } ARGH! You're doing this to irk us, aren't you?!**_

…_Maybe… Maaaaaaaaybeeeeeeee…. : y _

_**- - - } BE DAVE STRIDER.**_

_Alright, alright, geez. Just take it all out on the innocent authoress, will ya?_

You are now Dave Strider, the shy edition, and you're slightly terrified, although more worried than anything. Rose is drunk again. You frown slightly. You had planned to ask Rose for advice about more things Terezi would have liked, although it seems that your teal blooded angel would have to wait a bit. Family came first, after all.

"Rose? Are you okay?" You asked worriedly. She just smiles at you, swaying.

"I dunno. Are you okay? There's someone with bad intentions!" Rose waved her arms about drunkenly. "I swear, if they come even five feet from you, I'll be all passive-aggressive on their asses!" That's when she fell on her butt. She grinned at you, trying to get up but failing miserably.

"Rose, lets get you to bed." You weren't just going to leave her on the floor! What douchebag would _do_ that to their sister?

_You would._ A snarky voice in the back of your head whispered. You wrinkled your nose at the voice. He was getting just plain mean. You ignored that annoying little voice before he went on his '_you're not in your right mind_' spiel. How would he know? He's just a voice, after all.

_Ugh. Fuck this._ That voice shut himself up, but not after grumbling and complaining a bit more.

You laid her down in her bed where she just stared at the ceiling, giggling every once in a while. You sighed. This was apparently going to be harder than you thought…

John and Karkat walked in at that moment. You remembered what dear Terezi had taught you about troll romance and automatically thought _matesprits._ They just seemed so cute together! You wondered if you were that cute with Terezi… Hm…

Karkat looked at you and Rose before looking at John. He said, "John, the Rose human is obviously intoxicated like an idiot again."

You bit your lip and gave Karkat your best glare, although by the effect it had on Karkat, it must have seemed weak. You spoke meekly, "H-Hey! Don't talk about Rose like that!" He walked up to you until you were almost nose to nose. You flinched slightly. John worriedly bit his lip in the background.

"_And what will you do about it, fuckass?"_ You felt yourself flinch again as you tried not to wilt under his intimidating glare. Even if he was much shorter than you, he frightened you for some reason.

_Punch him in the face!_ That voice yelled in your head. _He's going against you! Punch him, you wuss!_

"I'll h-hit you and, uh… It'll hurt…!" You finished lamely, wincing at your quiet and submissive tone. Karkat looked at you, obviously unconvinced.

He turned to John, "Well, you've certainly done a number on Dave '_I-Am- So-Much- Cooler-And- More-Ironic -Than-Thou_' Strider."

The voice in your head (that sounded just like you, now that you thought about it) yelled wordlessly in frustration.

"I'm about to get Rose out of this," John said, sighing with relief. He turned to you, "I think Terezi said that she wanted you."

You blushed and silently ran out of the room, flying like the wind. Actually, you were running fast against time's slow tendrils, but that's unimportant. All that needed to be found was your sweet Terezi.

_Oh God,_ that voice muttered, what seemed like embarrassment creeping into it, _This is so not cool. _

_**- - - } BE NUBS MCSHOUTY. **_

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and the authoress can go kindly fuck herself.

_Love you too, Karkitty._

"AUTHORESS. GO DIE IN A HOLE AND GET YOUR SLIMY INSIDES EATEN BY SOME CARNIVOROUS HOOFBEASTS SO THAT SAID HOOFBEASTS CAN SHIT YOU OUT AGAIN AND REVIVE YOU SO YOU CAN REPEAT THE PROCESS OVER AND OVER AGAIN." You yelled at the sky where the dorky sounding female teen's voice originated.

_Aw, you're adorable! I just wanna pinch those cheeks of yours and force you to smile!_

"I AM NOT _**ADORABLE.**_ I AM _**ADORABLOODTHIRSTY. **_FUCK YOU!" You give the sky (where you are sure the Authoress can see) the middle finger.

"Er… Karkat?" Great. Now your matesprit was questioning your mental stability. John came from behind and hugged you. "Let's just, uh… get this over with?" There was an awkward pause where you were sure that pesky author would interfere, but you heard nothing.

"Go on." You nodded at him. His eyes brightened as he forgot all about your adorabloodthirsty rant against an invisible being. That's a plus, not having your think pan's capabilities doubted.

Your matesprit approached Rose and kneeled beside her. She looked at John and grinned. "John! Yoo should have seen it! There was flying green bunny flooting by Karkat's head!" She was slurring her words slightly.

John smiled and nodded, speaking slowly as if he were talking to a child, "Rose, don't you think that it's time to relax?" Rose looked at him and blinked, tilting her head.

"I dunno. Is it time for a tea party? I love tea parties!" Rose exclaimed in delight. You noticed how pretty John's eyes were, so beautiful and deep blue, as if a piece of the ocean sealed itself within them. You shook yourself from the waves of relaxation that suddenly overtook you. You blinked and looked away to instead evaluate Rose's reactions.

"Rose, your head is confused. It'd be a lot easier if you let that go and slept," John said. A pang of jealousy shot through you as he lightly petted her head. Rose blinked a bit harder as she looked about the room, as if dazed.

"My head's all fuzzy…" Rose muttered as she swayed a bit in her sitting position, her eyes focused on John. There were soft breezes that blew against the girl lightly and her mouth fell open slightly. (_Oh my Gog, that rhymed!_)"Wwhat's happeniiing? Wwhere am I?"

"Just let all that confusion go with your mind and sleep." John said softly. Rose fell completely limp as she closed her eyes, her body completely relaxed and at ease. Did the human soporic finally knock her out? "Rose, can you hear me?"

"… Yes…" Rose muttered, as if in a dreamlike state. You stared. Holy shit, _John was right._ He really could hypnotize people.

_**THIS IS STUPID.**_

John looked at you and grinned. He seemed to be trying to contain himself, but childish excitement still crept into his voice, "See? I told you!" You sighed and hugged your matesprit.

"Yes, my dear fuckass, you were right." You said. He grinned at you and forced you into his lap.

"So, I'm _your_ fuckass?" You sputtered, blushing bright red. That adorable fuckass! Damn your red feelings for him! You really didn't want to be in his lap. _Yes, Karkat, you did._ You definitely didn't want to feel his arms around you, making you feel warm! _So Tsundere, aren't you Karkat?_

"Shut up and get on with it!" You punched his chest lightly and he laughed. Gog, you love that laugh, and to know that you caused it… You feel those warm bubbles pop up again. He turns to Rose and drops his voice to a soothing mutter. You leaned your head against his chest and felt it rumble comfortably.

With the relaxing cadence of his voice, the rumble of his chest and the beat of his heart, you couldn't help but doze a little.

_**- - - } Be the human pillow.**_

You looked down and smiled. Karkat had fallen asleep against you, curled up in your lap. The normal scowl and wrinkles of stress were gone from his face. He just looked so small and fragile, although you knew just how adorabloodthirsty he was. The need to protect your small boyfriend is overwhelming.

You have to tear your attention away from the adorable troll in your arms to work on Rose.

"Rose, the alcohol is bad for you. If you see it, think about it, or smell it, you'll feel the hangover from it." You thought for a moment before having a devilish idea. Hehehe. "The only way to cure the hangover is by being by Kanaya, talking with her, interacting with her and things like that."

"Whenever wizards are mentioned you will start laughing uncontrollably and only stop when Kanaya says your name."

You smiled at your handiwork. This would be fun! "Coming out of trance… now!"

Rose didn't open her eyes. You started to panic. Would it never wear off? Was she too deep in trance to hear? Subconsciously, you squeezed Karkat a bit tighter to your chest, causing a purr to erupt. Rose snored and you relaxed. The alcohol had finally put her under. You didn't do anything wrong.

Maybe you should take Karkat to bed. You stand up, shifting Karkat so that you're holding him bridal style. What would he look like in a white dress? He'd look like an angel, with big, red eyes and pouty lips, even on your wedding day-

_Now's not the time to get distracted by that!_

You thank the authoress for reminding you.

_You're welcome, sweetie. I'm just gonna go drown myself in ice cream now. Wheeeeee~ _

You ignore the silly authoress in favor of focusing on the adorabloodthirsty troll in your arms. He seems determined to stay latched onto you like some sort of… uh… You don't know. But, Karkat's always been one of a kind and special. You cradle Karkat to your chest and place him in your bed. You would have put him in his recooperacoon, but you don't trust yourself to do that. You may accidentally drown him.

You tuck him under the covers and he burrows into them, looking like a little lump under your covers. He seemed to be breathing in deeply and you remembered from somewhere that trolls had a better sense of smell than humans. You suddenly wonder what you smell like. Do you smell like blueberries?

Your tummy rumbled. You're hungry.

While you are reluctant to leave Karkat's side, you're also pretty sure that if your stomach makes any more noise, it'll wake him. So, you tiptoe out of the room and start towards the kitchen.

_**- - - } Be the worried vampire.**_

Your name is Kanaya and you prefer the term 'Rainbow Drinker'. In any case, you're waiting for John to get finished with Rose and you can't help but feel a bit worried. Would John do something that may hurt her mind? You feel bad and push away this thought. John would never hurt his friends.

Human friendship was just so much simpler.

With John's new found powers, any troll would have tried to control everyone and become a king. Even so, John tried to help his friends and was playing harmless pranks on them. Sure, once John snapped Dave back he would be royally pissed off, but their friendship wouldn't end. For a troll, this friendship would have been snapped in two instantly.

Human love was easier.

You don't know where the thought came from. They don't have a hate relationship. They only have their love quadrant and they give their all to it. And yet…

John came, interrupting your train of thought. You quickly rushed up to him and _tried_ to speak calmly, "John, what happened with Rose?" You bit your lip slightly, ignoring the sharp pain of your fangs.

He smiled at you, "She should be off the alcohol." A wave of relief crashed into you and you sighed. "Don't mention wizards around her!" John giggled slightly before hurrying away.

Now you were confused. What exactly did he do?

You made your way to her room, passing through John's room. You noticed a small lump under John's bed and your stomach rumbled. Whichever troll decided to crawl in here would be knocked out a bit longer.

You slowly pulled back the covers to reveal Karkat curled up, looking more at ease than you've ever seen him. This startled you slightly. You had never seen him asleep before, mostly because he would never let anyone see. Your stomach rumbled again, reminding you what you needed to do.

That's when Karkat started to wake up. He blinked slowly, as if seeing his surroundings for the first time. He blearily looked up at you and his eyes widened. He immediately shot up. You couldn't have that. You took Karkat's chin in your hand and forced him to look you in the eyes.

You forced your eyes to glow.

The think pan immobilization process started. Karkat's eyes dulled as his body stilled completely. You pet his hair and rubbed his horns, helping his mind shut down further. You spoke, "You will forget this and fall asleep after I feed."

He nodded, "Forget… and sleep… after you… feed." You tilted his head so that his neck was exposed. He put up no resistance as you bit down on his neck. Rich red blood filled your mouth, spreading a candy sweet flavor on your tongue. You lapped it up and felt yourself become quite satisfied. You licked the wound closed, sitting up.

"I'm done feeding." He fell back on the bed, completely limp and relaxed. You put a healing adhesive patch on the fang holes and silently left the room to find Rose.

_**- - - }Be Karkat.**_

_You cannot be Karkat because e is completely asleep! He won't wake up for a while. _

_**- - - } Be Past Karkat so that we can know what the hell just happened. **_

_Okay. That'll work._

You are now Karkat and you've just started to wake up. You're a lot more relaxed than what you usually are and you smell a summer breeze and blue raspberry. You smelled John.

You looked around. How did you get there? The last thing you remember is being in John's lap (you blush at this) and now you're here, in his bed! You look up and your eyes widen. Kanaya is right there. She saw you asleep. You were about to panic at this when you realize that she looks _hungry_.

Her eyes started to glow and your body suddenly felt heavy. You were scared, yet you couldn't move your body. You tried to yell, but you couldn't move your mouth. You couldn't think very clearly, but you could feel everything.

Kanaya was petting your hair as if you were a pet, rubbing your horns and making you feel confused. She told you something and you mindlessly repeated it back, like a parrot. She tilted your head to the side and you could feel the velvety texture of her skin and the pricks of her claws.

You felt pain. She was biting you, sucking your blood. You don't know why, but a moan tried to slip past your throat. She stopped and… it was… hard to… think…

You were knocked out instantly.

_**- - - } Good. Now lets be a sparkle vampire.**_

_NO. NO TWILIGHT._

_**- - - } Now, we mean, be Kanaya.**_

_Oh. Then that's fine. Kanaya's awesome!_

You are now back to being Kanaya and you wonder why your name became a reference to the most horrible movie in human and troll kind. No time for that. Rose is waking up.

She's slowly opening her eyes and wincing. The hangover must have been taking effect. You sit by her bed and take her hand in yours, an electric charge running from the contact of her soft, fragile skin. "Rose dear, I hope you're awake."

She looked at you and smiled. Your heart skipped a beat at the innocent upturn of her lips. She must have been half asleep. "Hey Kanaya."

"Rose, would you like to have some of your human soporic? Alcohol?" You asked. She looked at you and winced. She shook her head.

"No thank you. I don't feel up to it."

You were elated. John had really done it! Now what was with the wizards? You knew about the story she was writing. Complacency of the Learned was set to take the world by storm. It was going to be bigger than Harry Potter or Troll Potter combined. She also allowed you to beta read it, and, you must say, it was very well written and- screw it, it was _**amazing**_. _**AMAZING.**_

"Rose, do you have the new chapter of Complacency of the Learned finished? I would like to see which wizard goes to-" You were suddenly cut off by a bark of laughter. Rose was _laughing_. Of course. You rolled your eyes. At least it was just a harmless prank. "Why are you laughing?"

"I don't… Hahaha… know!" Rose was crossing into the dangerous territory of sounding like a retarded hyena.

"Rose?" Her laughter started to die down and she gave a small snort. You giggled. That snort sounded ridiculous! "Did you just _snort_?"

Her face became fifty shades of red, "No, of course not. I'm not even sure where that came from. Me? Snort? That's like Karkat finding true love."

You neglect to tell her that Karkat had, indeed, found true love.

_**- - - } Hi, narrator!**_

Hello. Now, who are we forgetting this time? Oh yeah, Dave! Dang, he's just so forgettable now… Anyway, he was searching high and low for his dear Terezi.

_You wuss, just chill out and wait. She'll come._ That voice said to him. Dave bit his lip and kept searching, ignoring the voice.

_God, I hate this._ That snarky Dave voice complained to Dave.

_And now we cut~! To, to, to my se- _

Enough of that singing, authoress!

* * *

**A/n: Hello! I'm finished! Whoo! Review and all that.**


	3. I REGRET NOTHING

**REALLY IMPORTANT NOTE~ Focus really hard on this chapter. Let your imagination flow. Remember hypnosis is 100% voluntary. You don't have to be hypnotized if you don't want to. I wanna se if this works! If not, that's fine.**

**Sorry this isn't as long as it normally.**

**Disclaimer: Ahem… *paints self grey and puts on horns* You wouldn't have sold me your soul if I owned Homestuck.**

* * *

_**= = = } Bee the hacker.**_

Why are you _Sollux_ suddenly? Isn't this about Karkat's love life or something? The authoress does not care. But then again, when does she ever care when a new character is introduced?

Anyway, you are now Sollux, A.K.A, the coolest guy in this story at the moment. You find yourself done with hacking for the day and you don't wish to go near your bees, even if these don't make mind honey. You're bored as hell. What will you do?

You decide to aimlessly wander around until something interesting comes along. You find yourself too lazy to actually walk, so you use your psiichonic powers to float. You wander through the halls, seeing several things that don't particularly spark your interest.

First, you just see Dave blushing and muttering to himself, then see Vriska skipping down the hall wearing a frilly Lolita dress. Next you see a random human girl with a cat eared headband you've never seen before slinking in the shadows, rubbing her hands together while muttering "All according to plan…" Then you see a sober Rose and a satisfied looking Kanaya.

Then you see the most shocking thing of your life. You turn a corner to see Karkat standing on his tip toes and pressing his lips to John's. Normally, this adorableness would have escaped your level of fucks, but this was _Karkat._ As you float by them, it's as if you can't your eyes off of it.

_**= = = } Crash into a wall.**_

Say what now-

THUD.

You suddenly fall to the floor with great force. You curse loudly, gaining the attention of the couple. It certainly doesn't help that you're lisping curses. "Holy thhit! Why ith life tho fucking thadithtic to me?!" And this is why you never say the word 'sadistic' out loud.

The two stare at you, wide eyed. Karkat's eye is twitching. Shit will go down unless you abscond. You must abscond like the wind!

However, you find yourself frozen in place. You seem to have accidentally caught a glimpse of John's face and now, you can't look away. He doesn't seem angry, or shocked… His face is gentle and his eyes are pretty. You can feel the impending doom rolling in waves off the troll beside him, yet you feel perfectly relaxed and safe.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can register John rubbing circles on Karkat's hand and the smaller troll relaxing. Something feels weird about what's happening to you. It doesn't feel exactly _natural_. The longer you stand there, feeling your senses dull, the more you panic. With the last of your will, you give your head a sharp shake.

The spell was broken. John looked like any other human you had seen. You tried to stumble away, feeling your heavy body attempt to buckle under the weight of your dizzy and tired head. What was happening to you? You just wanted to lie down and never wake up. You weren't miserable, just really sleepy. You needed to get away or you weren't sure if you could resist again. With your psiichonics, you're able to float to safety without looking at the John human's face.

_**= = } Be the surprised hypnotist human.**_

Well, that went differently than normal. You don't think that you've had someone break free before. This makes you extremely curious as to who else could resist and, even, if someone else had the same power as you.

You know Vriska did, but it only worked on trolls. Besides, with how you made her, you doubt she'll ever use her mind control in a bad way again. You wonder about Gamzee, with his apparent and creepy immortality, but you seriously doubt it.

Now, what shall you do with Karkat? You were just in the middle of beginning a make-out session. You wonder if Karkat will boldly kiss you like that again. You seriously hope so. In fact, if he doesn't in the next five minutes, you believe that you will be the one to start it.

….

…

_**= = } Screw five minutes, get that kiss now.**_

You see no reason not to listen to the random voice of the authoress. Or is it the reader? It could be both, now that you think of it. The authoress could be reading the reader's mind and giving them sloppy makeouts.

Enough of this self aware nonsense. Sloppy makeout time. GO.

You take Karkat's face in your hands, wiping the scowl off and replacing it with your lips. His lips are soft and taste a bit like cherries, you think. Do all trolls have soft lips? Or is it just Karkat? You haven't kissed enough trolls to know.

You have, however, kissed a lot of dead people. But that was to bring them back to life later. Whooooaaaa, awkward thought there. Just shut up and enjoy making out with Karkat.

This time, you both ignore Dave when he scrambles by. But then again, it's really easy to ignore him now… You pull away and whistle loudly before resuming your makeout.

_**= = } Be shy Dave.**_

_Shy Dave seems to have dissipated back into the original personality. He does not exist at the moment. _

_**= = } Be Sollux again?**_

_He's taking a well deserved nap. You may never see him in this story line again._

_**= = } So? BE SOLLUX. **_

_HE IS SLEEPING. And I don't want you to be him._

_**= = } BE DREAM SOLLUX.**_

_You're really persistent, aren't you? Fine, fine, you can be dream Sollux._

You're trapped. There's no other way to describe it. You're being smothered in a deepness of blue, feeling the relaxation smother you. You want to scream and yell, but you can't move. The blue would have been nice to lie in, nice to let go and lose yourself, but it's controlling you. You don't want it to.

You briefly wonder if this is what Vriska's mind control is. Something that makes you feel as you're being torn apart. _Just relax, sleep it all away and be safe._ **This isn't natural! You'll be taken advantage of!**_ Calm down and drift away… _**Stay alert! Don't give in!**

Gog, you want so badly to just give in, but you can't. You're drowning and you don't know if you like it. Sweetness fills your mouth, like thick honey is being poured into your think pan and down your throat. It's comforting, yet so very alarming. You still don't feel the rush of electricity. You would love to be able to use your psiichonics to turn all this blue into dust.

_Just relax… You're safe with me… Sleep for a while, leave it all behind._

You find yourself by the water's side, lying in a slowly swinging hammock. You're looking up at the blue sky, a benevolent yellow sun casting soft, warm light on you. As the hammock swings slowly, you can feel yourself relaxing more and more. It feels good, you discover, to focus on how it sways gently back and forth, back and forth…

You just feel yourself sinking deep, feeling your eyelids droop. Just feeling relaxed as the hammock keeps swinging back and forth, back and forth, back and forth… You can feel your legs weighing down, feeling your abdomen relax and droop. Your arms feel limp and heavy and you can feel the heaviness of your head as the warmth keeps spreading throughout your body.

You're relaxed and sleepy, feeling the world drift away from your care. A soft, kind voice floats to you, _Just relax and sleep…_ You'd love to do just that. You feel your thoughts start floating away, sleepily becoming clouds. As your thoughts leave your heavy and tired head, you just feel yourself sink deeper and deeper, starting enter a small trance.

**Wake up!**

You shake your head. What's happening to you? You have to wake up! You have to!

_**= = } Since Sollux is unable to wake up for some time, let's see what Dave's doing!**_

Okay, you are now Dave Strider. What the hell are you doing? You were yelling at Egbert and then everything became a fuzzy whirr of blushing, frustration and embarrassment. So many uncool emotions spinning in a flurry of black. It kind of confuses you when you think about it, so you decide to ignore it and find something to do.

_Go find Terezi!_ A timid and sweet sounding voice suggests from your mind. You hate this voice right off the bat. It sounds so dorky, so raw, so _uncool_.

You then realize that your shades are off. Groaning a bit, you slip them back on to your nose. _You're bolder than I am, right?_ Damn straight you are. You have no clue how you know this answer. _Go kiss Terezi! _What? You don't even know if you like her yet! If you were to do that, you'd need _a lot_ of alcohol.

You are suddenly wondering about Rose. You have a feeling she got drunk earlier. Why is that? _Your sister might need you…_ She was a big girl. Rose could take care of herself. _But she may really need you!_ Oh, shut up weird annoying voice.

You walk down the hall calmly (why do you feel as if you were scrambling along them like a lunatic?) before seeing something weird as hell. Vriska was skipping down the hallway, wearing a frilly as hell dress from like the 1800's. What the fuck.

You brush by her, and she glances at you curiously before apologizing profusely, "Oh, I'm sorry! I'm really clumsy, huh? I should really watch where I'm going…" You are _so_ not used to this. You just shake your head and walk on.

Then, you see Rose and Kanaya. Rose looks perfectly sober, pacifying that voice, while Kanaya just looks hungry. You're slightly unnerved by the hungry look she gives you. You do not wish to be sucked dry by a sparkly vampire.

OH GOD WHY DID YOUR MIND GO TO EDWARD CULLEN. NO, STAHP, MIND. STAHP. STAHP ET.

Rose squints at a spot beside your head. You reconsider branding her as sober.

_**= = } Let's see what she's seeing…**_

Your name is Rose Lalonde, perfectly sober, and you swear to God that there is a winged green rabbit flying by Dave's head. Taunting you. Passive-aggressively waiting for you to react. You won't react. You are never one to blink first.

You briefly consider getting drunk, but then an unbearable ache spreads through your head. It's a thousand times worse than any hangover you've ever experienced. You grip onto Kanaya's hand and the pain recedes, leaving you sighing with relief.

Kanaya was giggling madly at Dave while trying to get something out. Dave, you can tell, was getting more and more agitated. "What's been happening around here?" Kanaya just chuckles more, nearly snorting.

You then decide to save her. You quickly step in, saying, "Perhaps you should consult a friend. Perhaps John?"

Dave's eyebrow twitched. "Yeah…. _John_." He goes off, growling to himself. You wonder what's gotten into him. Once he's gone, you glare at the green rodent. The rabbit just giggles at you and flies away. Stupid lousy creatures that only you can see…

Shut up, reader. It was a failed spell.

Kanaya turns to you, a starved look in her eyes. You know this look all too well. She's hungry for the blood that she needs to survive. She glances at your neck and you oblige, tilting your head so that the stretch of pale flesh is exposed.

She smiles at you apologetically, about to say what she says every time she feeds off of you. You interrupt, "Yes, I know. You'll try to be gentle." _I wish you wouldn't be,_ you add in your head.

She delicately takes your neck before biting down. It barely hurts, allowing you to feel the other sensations that her feeding brought. You were able to enjoy the feel of her velvety textured skin against yours and the shivers that went down your spine. The euphorins flooded your mind, making you feel a sort of natural high. After Kanaya is satisfied, she licks the wound closed, offering a bandage. You decline.

You are hers after all. Why not show it?

She blushes at this and intertwines her hands in yours. However, you yourself are not feeling all that satisfied.

_**= = } Bee the hacker.**_

_ASLEEP. FOR GOG'S SAKE, HE'S ASLEEP. STOP._

_**= = } Be Dave again.**_

_Sweet and shy or insufferable and douchey?_

_**= = } Sweet please.**_

_Ohhh, sorry about that, but you'll have to settle for the insufferable prick._

Fuck you, authoress. Fuck. You.

Anyway, you're walking down the hall. When you find John, you'll force him to fix whatever he's done to you! And then maybe you'll find Terezi and awkwardly ask her out to dinner and _WHOA_, where'd that thought come from?

No. Mind, stahp. Anyway, you sulk as you go down the hall. You randomly consider derping but that would be a colossal waste of time! Well, unless derping will attract derps. But then wouldn't Egderp consider your derping to be a sort of derp mating call? You can't have that. Karkat would be pissed.

For some reason, the thought of pissed Karkat scares you.

"Baaaaa…" You bleat. You've been meaning to bleat like a goat anyway.

You then chance upon a sleeping Sollux. Actually, you trip right over him. After getting yourself up, you poke at him. "Yo. Captor. Wake up." He starts to stir, his eyes fluttering open. "SOLLUX CAPTOR, YOUR COMPUTER IS ON FIRE." His eyes open and he looks at you with this weird, sort of dazed looking expression.

_**= = } What's going on with the hacker?**_

You are now Sollux. The blue is lifting and the hallway is coming into view. You're being freed. You look up and see Dave. He must have woken you up.

_He saved you._

You try to push away the thought, but you can't. Your heart beats a bit faster and you try to push the bit of yellow that tries to make its way to your cheeks.

Wait.

No.

Even if he's your knight in shining armor, no he's not yours but you wish he was- wait what?

This cannot be happening. But it has.

You think you've fallen in love with Dave Strider.

* * *

**OH SNAP, WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT. MWAHAHAHA.**


	4. Cheerio, said the Brit

**A quicker update! Yay! **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Homestuck, there'd be a lot less "NOOOO! HUSSIE, WHY?!" and "HE CAN'T DIE!" and "YOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

* * *

_**= = } First, be the kitty cat. Second, claw Kanaya's eyes out.**_

_What? Why would you want to be this stupid cat? And for that matter, why would you try to scratch out Kanaya's eyes? As a cat, you're not supposed to give a shit. _

The authoress has decided to allow you to be Jaspers. Even though you died twice, you don't care because you are a house cat and give no fucks. You didn't feel like doing anything because as a cat, you are not obligated to. Your only duty is to sit there and be therapedic for your master.

As a cat, you decided to lick your paw, looking around for something interesting. But you are a cat; therefore, unless it's dangling or moving, you don't give a shit.

You saw your master. The scent of that annoying glowy scratching post was all over her. For some reason, that thing annoys you. No, you do not recognize Rose's mate as a person. You could smell the scent of animalistic urges all over it. Perhaps this is why you want to claw her eyes out.

You then decided to sleep, because you are a cat. Cats can sleep where they damn well please.

_**= = } That was completely pointless.**_

_The Authoress couldn't agree more._

_**= = } Let there be JohnKat!**_

_Huh? But there are so many other intertwining plot lines to choose from! It varies from Dave's confusion, Vriska's mysterious transformation, Sollux's sudden feelings for the cool kid, Rose's ability to see random magical creatures, Eridan-_

_**= = } John's the main character! We should center around him!**_

_Fiiiiiiiine._

You have switched to John's point of view. You were just cuddling up with Karkat on the couch, the troll purring ever so slightly. It was cute, you decided. Like he was a content kitty cat. You hugged him closer to yourself.

Karkat closed his eyes and leaned against you. You suppose that meant that he thought you were a good pillow. Not that you minded, of course. His purring just grew in intensity, putting you in a soft sort of ease. You thought you could hear him mumbling something quietly against you, but you couldn't exactly make it out.

You started to pet his head, marveling at the soft texture of it. What kind of shampoo did he use? You started to ponder this, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus. It felt nice to listen to your boyfriend's purrs as he snuggled up to you, eyes closed and still mumbling softly. Soon, you found yourself just feeling kind of heavy, soft and peaceful.

Karkat continued purring against you and you barely realized when he snaked a hand up and ran his fingers through your hair. You felt like purring yourself, if you could! You just settled for leaning back into his touch, letting your eyes slip shut. The steady purr kept rolling out of his throat and soon, you could make out his voice, soft and even. The sound just rolled in waves from head to toe, and you felt yourself become encased in warmth.

You were soon able to make out what he was saying. If you were in your right mind, you would have been impressed how easily he had bent you to his will without the use of a God Tier power. But, of course, you weren't in your right mind.

Karkat had put a hand softly to your cheek, quietly saying, _"Sleep."_ You saw no reason not to comply with this.

_**= = } Karkat: Congratulate yourself.**_

The congratulating could come after you were done asking your boyfriend a question. This question had been eating you on the inside, forcing a knot of queasy doubt into your stomach. Had you really loved him? Or had he hypnotized you to love him? What kind of real romance could thrive on fake emotions?

Since John was deep under your power, you finally had a chance to examine him fully. He head was lolling to the side, messy black hair sticking up at odd angles. His hold on you had relaxed, leaving limp arms resting around your waist. Through the intense relaxation you had put him under, he smiled, buck teeth in full view.

"John, can you hear me?" You tried to speak to him. There were a few moments of silence before a snore emanated from his throat, a bit of saliva starting to gather at the corner of his mouth. You glare at the fuckass. Shit, you had actually _put him to sleep_. You just meant to put him in trance and ask him the fucking question!

John squeezed you closer to him, the goofy, sleepy smile spreading on his face. He muttered under his breath, but you could still hear, "Karkat… Mm, love you…"

Your heart beat faster in response. Those tired, sincere words removed any doubt from your body. You decided to just close your eyes and let yourself nap for a bit, curled up to him and his warmth. You felt yourself drift away, muttering the words, "Love you too, fuckass."

He loved you. That's all you needed for now.

_**= = } Aww, how sweet!**_

_I know, right? Shit be diabetes inducing._

_**= = } Be Vriska.**_

_I apologize, but Vriska doesn't exist at the moment. Just her new persona._

_**= = } Be Vriska's new persona.**_

Persona? You were quite sure that you were not a persona, thank you very much! You were completely and sincerely sure of that. Your name is Victoria Sekrina, and you weren't sure what the bloody hell you were doing in America, no less! This is not good, not at all.

Had one of Sherlock's associates finally kidnapped you so he wouldn't have any competition? You sincerely hope not. You didn't wish to hurt anyone if that were the case. Really, you're a nice person, just a bit shy. Maybe that's why you were barely able to talk to that one lad with the dark glasses earlier.

His outfit was strange, that's for certain. You had only seen jeans on the American prospectors during the Gold Rush in California forty years ago! And the detail on his strangely fitting shirt confused you. What would anyone have use for a black, fragile looking plate with a hole in the middle?

You decided that Americans are weird.

Perhaps you had been Shanghaied? That seemed pretty bloody likely. Lord knows, they're always looking for more harlots underneath the city here. But no, that made no sense. You still have your dress on properly, not a loose garment anywhere. You walked by a strange looking mechanism with a large screen.

Wherever you are, it's a lot more advanced than in most other places. After all, what person in 1886 had ever seen such things?

Suddenly, you hear someone humming. Pushing yourself against the wall, you peaked around the corner. That strange boy from before is helping another boy with horns up. Horns! The sight, couple with his grey skin and yellow tinted cheeks, left you flabbergasted.

Then, the boy with yellow cheeks kisses the strange boy.

Something strange is going on here. You vow to get to the bottom of it or your name isn't Victoria Sekrina, the best detective in London!

_Which it isn't._

_**= = } That was confusing. Let's see what Rose is doing!**_

The circle glowed a dark violet in the faint jade flames and your girlfriend's Rainbow Drinker luminescent white skin. Said girlfriend bit her lip worriedly. "Rose, what is the meaning of this spell?"

"Well," It was a bit embarrassing to admit to Kanaya, but you had to be completely truthful, "I failed a spell a few days ago. Now I see these strange mythological creatures that are only visible to me apparently."

"Like that spot by David's head you were glaring at?" Kanaya raised an eyebrow. Your cheeks became dusted with pink as you nodded. Damn, you thought you had been so secretive about that.

"Please, stand back." You cleared your throat and pulled the dark hood of your cloak over your head. Kanaya stepped away from the circle, watching you as you began.

"_Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer…_" Your eyes are closed as you concentrate.

The circle glowed brightly before you, the magic syncing with your body. You could feel it deep within your bones, an unlimited power as your hair began to lift in an invisible wind. "Remove this failure of magic from me!"

Suddenly, everything went still and silent as the circle ceased to glow. Gamzee's head popped from the center of your circle, giving a lazy smile, "You motherfucking rang?"

Before he could come out fully, you shoved him back in. You eye twitched as you sighed in exasperation. "This happens every damn week…"

"Shall I rectify the problem?" Kanaya held up a tube of lipstick covered in dried, colored blood.

"No, Kanaya," You said, "That will not be necessary."

_**= = } Was that a Hetalia reference?**_

… _No?_

_**= = } …**_

…

_**= = } Just move on to Sollux or something.**_

_Nah, let's put that subplot off a little longer. _

_**= = } JohnKat! JohnKat! :D ‹3**_

_What is your obsession with that pairing this chapter? Fine. Here you go._

You were now the dream version of John and you're having a pretty good dream! Karkat had put you in a trance and was having his way with you. You would have thought that perhaps this would have been disconcerting or nerve wracking, but it really wasn't! You trusted Karkat a lot.

He kissed you fiercely, pressing his body against yours. You obediently allowed him to, reveling in the mixed feelings of relaxation and passion. If this is what trance was really like, perhaps you would start putting yourself under. Or you could teach Karkat! Either way, it would be something you wanted to do.

Then, you felt yourself being pulled away from the dream and starting to stir. Karkat was sprawled out against you, nuzzling his red tented face into your shirt. It looked completely adorable.

Reaching down, you kissed the troll's forehead, deciding to go back to sleep. Maybe you could resume that dream.

_**= = } No more putting it off! Be Dave!**_

What the hell? You just helped Sollux off when he attacked your face with his lips. You immediately push him away, disgusted. You don't like him _like that._ Besides, you thought he loved Eridan! He looked at you with a shocked expression.

"Dude, I don't like you like that," You said to him, "What the fuck?"

He looks down and you see yellow tears gather at the corner of his eyes. Then he starts babbling about you being his knight and that you saved him. You slapped a hand over his mouth and glare at him. "That's enough. Go kiss Eridan or something." And with that, you leave him alone.

_Besides, I like Terezi._

You don't even try to push the thought away this time.

_**= = } Sollux: Have your heart beak into millions of pieces.**_

That isn't hard to do. You kissed your knight to show him your gratitude when he roughly shoved you away. This not only hurt your chest (where he pushed you) and your ass (which you landed on), but also your heart.

You tried to explain to him about your new found love. You admit, it was purely impulsive that you did these actions… But then Dave walked away, muttering something under his breath.

"_Besides, I like Terezi…_"

That's just salt to your stinging wound. You remembered vaguely that you had feelings for someone else before the sudden onslaught you felt for Dave, but you barely remember who. You thought it was someone in a stupid cape.

_**= = } Salt and buuuurn!**_

_That isn't a command! It's a badly placed Supernatural reference!_

You then suddenly had an idea. Dave said that he liked Terezi more…

What if there was no Terezi?

You started hatching an evil plan to put her out of the picture for good…

_**= = } SALT AND BUUUUUURN!**_

_Terezi is not a demon! She doesn't even have the demon eyes! Salt won't affect her!_

_**= = } Be the cat again.**_

You are now Jaspers again. You are a cat; therefore licking your balls like you just were is totally acceptable. And by balls I mean balls of yarn.

Homestuck? Anime? You are a cat, you don't know what those are. Even so, you don't give a shit about them. They're probably stupid and unimportant.

_**= = } Reader: Never be Jaspers again.**_

_Dually noted, dear reader._

_**= = } Who wants to be a cat when you don't have anime and/or Homestuck?! Fuck being a cat.**_

_What about half cat?_

_**= = } Hm… As long as there's no maid's dress.**_

You are now the authoress. You think that this self insert is silly and irrelevant. That is to say, I think that this self insert is silly and irrelevant.

As the authoress, you have power over the characters. You can push who you want together and break whoever's heart. Don't like Darezi? Change it to DavexJade. Don't like Sollux? Crush his dreams into little itty bitty pieces.

Hm? What's that reader? You want me to get to the plot? Don't you realize that I AM the plot? Where else could this hypnosis come from?

Besides, I do not simply hypnotize characters… (Keep reading if you want, I'm about to advertise. If not, please skip the next paragraph).

I can also put READERS in trance as well! With the soft flow of words as they weave over your captive mind, the waves of will leaving your very being to be devoured by pleasant bliss! I got a new story up where y'all can be hypnotized as well! Just comment on 'The Book of Hypnosis' if you wanna be hypnotized to do a certain thing, like, I dunno, turn into trolls. What the hell are you people even into?

Shit, now Victoria is looking at you. She saw you. That is to say, _I, the authoress, have been spotted._

_**= = } Authoress: Abscond.**_

_You don't have to tell me twice!_

_**= = } Victoria: Be puzzled.**_

You just saw a random person with the strangest garment on her head muttering to herself. Who was she talking to? She suddenly looked at you and her eyes widened. She disappeared, nearly leaving her stitched feline ears.

You seriously think that something strange is going on here.

* * *

**And that was the chapter! Thanks for reading! :D**


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